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Wednesday, January 30th, 2008
1:37 pm
over the months ive strayed away from the computer more & more, but just want to make a note that im still alive & well.

things are going nice & they are only going to get better

much love to everyone

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Friday, October 5th, 2007
9:17 pm - all we are saying is give peace a chance- john lennon

i was amazed by everything on livejournal thats changed since ive been on here last. its nuts. i havent posted in thirty five weeks, longest ever. 

my life is a slow stage rite now, but a very good slow stage. i dont drink really at all anymore, ive been dating dustin again for a good while again..who also doesnt drink at all as well. which is fucking awesome & i love it more than anything. im estatic about realizing that i can quit drinking because for a while there i was a little worried. but in the battle of sammi vs. budweiser, i won:]
i still work at county grill six days out of the week, & so does anna. her & nikki moved back from richmond (& so did kt & jme), even tho they wont be back forever, its fucking awesome while they are here atleast. its gonna suck ball when they go, again. working without anna again will definatly blowass times a thousand. 
me & dustin live together at the apt. rite now but are looking for a house/townhouse to move into within the next month or so cause i hate grafton station with a passion. and i hate looking for a place to move, and moving in general..with a HUGE passion. im more than ready to move tho so itll be worth it this time. 
AND im even willing to move outside of the county...well newport news. but whatev thats a big step for me. haha
my dad found out he has a back problem which sucks so thats a bunch of added stress & money shit to the family annoyance level. 
even tho things are kinda magoo at the moment, its still a good place. i love my life & my friends & my family & my job. things will get better & i know it. 

i hope everyone on here is doing wonderful & i miss all of you.

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Saturday, January 27th, 2007
9:10 pm

ive been MIA from the world of computing for awhile. no reason in general, just havent been using it as much.

i work everyday usually except for one a week or so. i come home & clean up, take care of the animals, do laundry. change my clothes. make something for dinner. smoke a blunt & drink some beer. watch court tv out the ass. have some people over. maybe go somewhere. see my dad. hangout with dustin til bed. do the same thing the next day.

i cant decide if its healthy or not. ohhh bother.


today was my brothers going away party for the marines. i dont know how i feel about that. he leaves tomorrow. i guess ill let you know.


til then, live up.

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Wednesday, September 27th, 2006
8:24 am
things are looking up alot
ive gotten out of my nasty depression & my body is starting to feel alot better
i have three more appointments thurs & friday, & after that i should know whats wrong. 
my family has been imensly helpful through all this && i appriciate that more than anything. i have an amazing family. not just my parents & brother & stepdad, my aunts & uncles, grandparents & cousins. they are all helpful each & everyday. im a blessed girl. 
my friends help me so much everyday & they dont even know. even if they dont live here & are away at college, little phone calls to say hi or myspace comments saying they love me, or leaving me something when i have an away message up. just talking to them & seeing them through out the day makes everyday worth it. we are like family && i love it.

i go back to work on monday THANKGOD. i miss working so much, i never thought id ever ever say that., but i do.
christmas time is coming, gotta get my shit in gear
i already have sooo many plans, ohhh icant wait.

i love everything

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Wednesday, August 30th, 2006
12:45 am - ive had my livejournal for five years & twelve days. damn

things have been different lately, but not necessarily bad.
been working quite a bit actually.  ive worked there like a month plus some & ive yet to call out of work. for me, thats amazing. im the queen of finding ways to not go to work. 
i actually dont mind working there, im used to the place, been around there forever already, its chill, i know everyone, its unorganzied but feels like my second home. so i dont care. we all fight & freak out, but we are all friends. and we are all so different. i love it.
me & my brother had our birthdays. those we good cause we hungout with our parents & stuff & for our present dad is taking both of us to our first nascar race in two weeks :D
yeah i know its a redneck fucking present but oh well i love ittt<3 

the one thing that really sucks is last year i had to deal wtih all my friends going away [to college] & not coming home. it sucked hardcore. then i got used to only see them seldomly. then they came back for summer & just fell back into the swing of them being around. now..they are gone again. and again, it fucking sucks. i miss all my fucking best friends. and michelle moved back to texas too. the only good thing is after summer things will calm down & not be so hyped up again. im ready for cold weather, hoodies, jeans, holidays, chilln inside & being high with friends & blankets. and its always something to look forward to when they come home on breaks. &&& i get to go visit them & have drunk college weekends:D
im excited as shit for that. i just wish i could see them more, it makes me depressed. 
the medicine im on makes me in a weird mood in general. very tired, very emotional, not hungry, chapstick obsessed, alcoholicy.
haha. i cant wait til its over. october hopefully<3 ahh cant wait.
im excited for fall when the weather is better & more comfortable & my medicine is done & im going to excercise more, try to quit smoking by half, maybe look into school again (ugh)
& just do all the things i never make a point of doing.

i just need to change up my life a bit. i think thats why i feel like shit all the time.
its weird being without billy again. we are both doing our own thing in different states. its the worst thing, but the best.
we both still have growing up to do, i know i do, & its probably best that we do that alone. i hope we can save ourselves for being friends layter.

overall, im doing good.

still figuring myself out.

its gonna take me awhile. but until then..im having fun.

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Friday, August 18th, 2006
6:02 am

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Friday, July 28th, 2006
11:47 am
i cant believe that its almost august. this is just rediculous. i cant believe another summer is almost over. 
it sucks cause so many people im used to hangingout with are eventually going to be gone. (moving away, not dead)
and even if i dont hangout with them everyday, or all the time, im going to miss them just being there to hangout with randomly or see every once in awhile.
but thats life right? you just have to deal with people moving on & moving away i guess. it does suck tho. 
i wish i had the guts & want to move away. everyones all excited to be in a new city & have change. and of course im staying here. 
i dont really mind it cause i love this place & i could never leave it. but i wish i diiid want to move just so i could see what its like. 
but oh well..im here forever. haha. plus i could never leave lindsey here<3

danks acting weird again. hes doing his barking/screaming attention thing whenever anyone touches him. weird dog. 
working at the county grill is going ok minus the fact that everyone who manages that place is so scatterbrained & never does anything u ask them about (i.e.: no paycheck this week becasue..they forgot). whatever. its a really easy job. just a busy job. 
went to the beach yesterday...fuuucking hottt. but it was fun. 

pretty much all ive been doing is hangingout everyday, workin a bit, & getting high everynite & loving food.
last nite i went on a weed freakout & ran through my screendoor  & started laughing like cruella de'vil. hahahah 
summer is good to me
but im ready for cooler days. ive had enough of the blistering hot for now. i love fall & winter & all the holidaaays<3<3

well im going to read some harrypotter then go do somethin  i guess

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Thursday, July 20th, 2006
10:44 pm
 i got my job back at county grill today:]

thats a plus

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3:35 am

so lately things have been good but weird, but still good.

not working is making me really annoyed, so i think i mite just go apply at the county grill tomorrrow. i really didnt want to but my cousin blake works there again & seeing brittany just hires the hostess' now, i mite have a chance haha. 
i know the place real well & i wanna waitress anyways, i just dont wanna deal with all the bullshit that comes with working there. but i need money like woah so lets see how this goes. 
was feeling really depressed last time i wrote anything, just ignore that..things are getting better. i just go through random spells of depression & i dont know why. i guess thats everyone really or it just goes through my family. sometimes all this doctor shit on top of everything else is overwhelming. sometimes wrong with my bladder & i have a refferal to a psychiatrist. everyone claims your psycho if u go to one, but i really wouldnt mind, plus if my insurance covers it then i think it would be a good experience, or something. 
idk i just feel drained & i dont even do anything everyday besides hangout, but i think that could be the reason why. i cnat wait to be working again & having my own money. i think itll make me feel alot better. 
my dads really stressed out about everything too, which makes me sad all the time.
my aunt donna just came for about a week tho, so that got all my family in high spirits for a while. so that should last a good while until she comes back. (for some reason the whole family is obsessed with her, so when she comes to town, they act like they all took ten e-pills.)
dankdog is back to normal again too. no more weird depression/limping/stupid bullshit. 
i missed brandnew, tacking back sunday/angels & airwaves,  and the reel big fish tour already this summer. that bummed me out alot. 
the biggest things i regret in life are always the shows i didnt get to go to. it always makes me feel sick. 
buuut! atleast 311 the wailers & pepper are coming..and warped tour too. so i deeefinatly not missing those:]
josh corralles was here for a good month. it was so fun having him around again. i missed that kid & really bummed that hes back in cali now. but he atleast got to stay for a month which was alot longer than i thought he was gonna stay, so atleast he got to come period.

i feel like im complaining alot but i dont mean to. alot of shit just been getting to me that usually doesnt. i jsut feel like i dont even know what to do anymore.
things will pick up soon tho, once i get a job, get all my doctor shit straight & i have christmas to look forward to<3

in march my lease is up for this apartment then i think im going to go month-to-month leasing while my dad builds a house big enough for everyone to live there. im so excited to live with my dad again. plus my brother will prob. live with us too & hes oddly nice now. he used to be such a prick but it seems like he grew up & let his guard down & just realized that being depressed & retarded wasnt worth waisting his time. he goes to church & smiles & laughs & calls to check on me. soo rad. 

time for me to crasssh
picking up billy from vabeach tomorrow, a derma appt., blood work, & dentist. 
somehow im going to get it all done. 
be well<3

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Saturday, July 8th, 2006
2:33 am

sometimes i feel like i wanna just give upppp


i hate feeling this way

i hate feeling myself slip back into this feeling

i hate remembering what it feels like


i hate it

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Wednesday, July 5th, 2006
1:45 pm
the fourth was fun
went out for michelles birthday
got drunk during the day watching the witches (hahaha)
couldnt stop laughing cause the bitch in that movie smokes mad blunts
saw fireworks in gloucester
the ride how we sang & were drunk & yelled at people
went to brians house & played by the fire & got wet
went to my house drunk & rolled around on the floor in the bathroom in my underwear with michelle. 
hungout with my friends.
talk to billy on the phone for a while which was lovely. 
read some of the catcher in the rye. 

today ive just been laying around with michelle hungover & cleaning up & watching full house
gotta go shower & meet up with my daddy for lunch to talk about random things cause i havent seen him in like a day & a half
i also need to get a new job
i think im gonna be a waitress. they make more money than alot of other stupid jobs. 
well lots of things to go do
hope everyone had a good fourth of jullllyyyy<33
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Saturday, July 1st, 2006
6:13 pm
something about being in my papas house (moms dad) for more than thirty minutes, gives me the creeps.
i dont really know what it is. i can never figure it out. 
but i spent the whole day there, & he wasnt even there, & i feel so dead & weird.
just knowing that crap that went on in that house. its just one of those creepy tv grandparents house. where it looks like whoevers lived there is dead. 
it has five bedrooms & the corners of the walls are yellow & the stairs creek & theres stained glass & lime green carpet everywhere plus all the oriental rugs & big chandaleirs just make it creepy times ten. 

i dont know. the place just gives me the creeps. its so sad after my nanny & papa got divorced. so dead.

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Sunday, June 25th, 2006
11:19 pm

so this weekend was really good. minus a few complications on saturday. it was a really good chilled out weekend.
friday i dont remember what i did. i think i just went out to eat with michelle which was cool casue i never see her anymore, got high & slept that nite pretty much.
saturday i got alot of shit done, went grocery shopping & ate lunch wtih my dad & junior. i love them. theyre so awesome. im so glad that weve stolen junior from whatever family he had before cuase he definatly just belongs in my family. he mite as well change his last name. & its like the best feeling ever to have a mass amount of toilet paper & paper towels & shit to drink & some food. 
I HAVE MILK. ahhhh:D

today i just chilled out at my grandparents & went to thebeach with lindsey morgan & billy. it was fun even tho we didnt even stay that long. i kinda learned how to swim:] but then just started drowning & dying immediatly when i couldnt touch the bottom. then we ate at dairy queen & came back to my house & watched some weirdo ass movie called monster. (which i recommend if u like movies about weird shit, death, & ugly lesbains). went over to jesses house to say hey cuase his birthday was yesterday. i miss him living rite off yorkville. sucks he has to live all the way in williamsburg. but its cool to go see him out of the county to get away, even if its just for a little bit. 
after that i went to starbucks with megan & ashley & we did our bible study deal for a while. it was cool. its so much better learning wtih people u care about. it just means alot more i guess.
& on the way home we were driving & talking about G-d & randomly a firework went off in the middle of nowhere. it was really..weird. cause it was onlyone. just over wendys as we drove by. idk. im really excited about church i guess. & i dont really feel like explaining why.

now im at home cleaning up & reading parts of the book of john & doin laundry cause i have to work at eight tomorrow. 
hope everyone is doing well, cause i am:]


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Thursday, June 22nd, 2006
11:25 pm
uh ive been working alot. its weird cuase im used to waking up at like four everyday & now i wake up at six thirty all the time. definatly really different. but actually i like it cause im done with work by the time i would normally wake up & then i still have the whole day & i get shit done that i actually have to do. so its whateva yo.
ive been feeling like shit alot lately. but i think its just cause my bodys not used to waking up so early & actually having to do something running off three to four hours of sleep everynite. so im going to the doctors after work tomorrow to get checked. either that or a bladder infection. & its probably the ladder. (MICHELLE I USED IT! I USED THE WORD LADDER..BE PROUD<3). & i went to the derma today & got back into my medicine thank god. fucking stupid ass cult. i cant wait til december. 
christmas + done with medicine=hell yes.
im going to start getting back into church again with ashley. were gonna do scripture study on sundays & help out at slumy maybe. im excited to be into it again. i miss it. i wanna see if i can start doing wednesday nite dinners again & help l.p. out on tuesday nites at the lapointes. 
plus my brother goes to church alone every sunday to the church we used to go to so im gonna start going with him that way he wont feel so alone. hes being so nice lately..its weird. but i love it. hes actually happy & doing what he loves. he fiiinally grew out of his angst unhappy cynical stage. thank u lorddddddd. the poor boy needed...something.

ugh it makes me sick to my stomach.

im off to read & laundry things then bed

ps- toootally jet skiing on saturday. 
ohhh how it feels to be me. 
oh that note, peeace

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Wednesday, June 14th, 2006
1:02 am

so i quit dominos & work at the duke of york hotel on the beach now. i like it alot. its really chill. i just answer the phones & do some paper work. then just talk online & eat or pretty do whatever. its pretty much the perfect job for me. plus i love the beach so i can go just look at it all day. i know i wont work there forever but for the summer atleast its a good job. 
i was tlaking to kristen d. about working at the picture people (cause she works there & also is obsessed with pictures) & she said that they hire u & then train u. so thats awesome too cause i skipped out on college & im still gonna be doing the things i wanted to anyways. working a desk job with good pay & good hours, taking small steps to a photography career:]  it will take a long time to get exactly where i want to be, but this is the hardest point of our lives rite now & im ok wtih it taking a lot of shit to go through to get where i want to end up. if u just think about things positively, no matter what your going through, u can atleast tell yourself that it will all work out, instead of just hearing it from other people. in the end, itll be an intresting story. 
i just want to be happy. thats all i want. i dont care what im doing, thats just the most important point to everything, is just be happy. cuase in the end thats all that will matter.

things are odd rite now i really dont know what to think of most of it. but maybe its just me being weird idk. 
itll work itself out one way or another.

im so tired

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Tuesday, June 6th, 2006
12:35 am
i dont really have the energy to write all the shit thats been goin on really, but i am doing well.
got a good job finally that can give me good experience to get a better job layter on. im working at the front desk of the duke of york hotel (on the yorktown beach). which is pretty freaking awesome. desk work type jobs are the type of work i dont mind doing. i dont dread going to work. this may sound insane but i actually ..kind of like it.
things are good
im good.
danks good.

love love looove<3

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Friday, June 2nd, 2006
2:21 am

FRUIT: honestly i dont hate any kind of fruit

CANDY: bar of chocolates. its just too much ugh


COLOR: purple. my mother used to dress me in it. gave me all purple school stuff. purple walls in old room. purple car. lahgeuagh

MOVIE: biodome/dumb & dumber due to seeing it seventy thousand times. & sincity. dont hate me, i just dont like it.


ANIMAL: annoying pointless uncool looking tweeting birds.

INSECT: all of them. theyre all just annoying & make me feel like itching when they come to find. ugh

BIRD: see above.


DRIVING?: people who pull too far up after the stop sign so u almost hit them turning. or really sloooow people.

WATCHING TV OR MOVIES: people talk the entire time when your trying to listen. & commercials.

EATING IN RESTAURANTS: seeing people eat alone one of my most hated things ever.

SLEEPING (OR TRYING TO SLEEP): my really annoying habit of listening to everything while i try to fall asleep & unless its completely quiet i cant go to bed if im not drop dead tired. & sometimes i get motion sickness feeling when i lay down to go to bed.

SHOWERING: shaving my legs. & having to do all the post shower bullshit.

THE BEACH: all the sand stuck to your feet that comes off when your in the car.

THE GROCERY STORE: try to find the dumb little shit that u only buy like twice a year.

ON A DATE: feeling awkward.

SITTING IN CLASS: being tired & waiting for the bell to ring.

BEING AROUND KIDS: when theyre parents dont wipe theyre noses && when they scream. ugh shoot it.

THE HOLIDAY SEASON: absolutly nothing. i love christmasy time more than life. i just hate constantly thinking about all the money i need to buy stuff for my huge family.

COOKING OR BAKING: wanting it to be ready.




WHAT DO YOU THINK WOULD BE THE ABSOLUTE WORST WAY TO DIE? drowning most definatly. or suffocating. whichever.

WHAT IS YOUR WORST HABIT? being messy. twirling my hair. covering my face. stuttering.


WHAT POPULAR SONG (PAST OR PRESENT) HAVE YOU HATED THE MOST? no doubt/gwen stefanis new stuff. (hey babay..etc)

MOST HATED LINE FROM YOUR PARENTS? anything about not doing shit that i know theyve done theyre whole life. other then that my parents are awesooome

WORST THING ABOUT HIGH SCHOOL: how early it was. trying to get out of it. attendance contract.

MOST IRRITATING THING ABOUT YOUR CAR: how much ive fucked it up by being a dumb teenager who takes nice things for granted.


MOST HATED THING REGARDING POLITICS: politics in general. i dont even bother. whatever i think isnt going to change a damn thing so i choose not to care & i hate when people try to shove theyre beliefs down my throat.

WHAT'S ANNOYING YOU TODAY? being on my period.

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Friday, April 21st, 2006
5:20 pm - wow
yesterday i was sso high
dude im still high. i woke up high & smoked more hahah
when i got up i thought i like did exstacy last nite i was just so retarded & tired
420 kicked my ass
but it was so fun hahah
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2:02 am
i hope everyones 420 was as good & high as mine:]


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Monday, April 17th, 2006
4:45 am
this whole week up until about thursday i spent laying on the couch. i got really sick randomly & my parents were like scared of me leaving me apartment so i just stayed on the couch recovering & watching friends episodes on dvd for about four days. if i hear that rembrandts song one more time im gonna shoot myself. it was definatly a "treat" to get to go out on thrusday & friday. of course i went to mikes & drank & smoked alot. laughed got fucked up & went to waffle house. it was awesome. got to hangout with billy alot this week casue he was here. it was nice cause it was the first time since we broke up that me & billy got to hangout & just bullshit & do stupid shit like we used to. no kissing or hugging or dating stuff. just hangingout & talking about stuff. it was nice to feel like best friends again. really really nice. friday/saturday morning was rediculous. took much retarded shit went down. people wiggin out & car wreck. all morning in the hospital with my friend. saturday we just sat at my house alll day for some reason & just ate & got high. haha i was fun actually. rediculous. but fun. today was easter so i just spent some time with my family & stuff. got to see my neice. i got to hangout with morgan all weekend finally (even tho he puked all in my car haha) we got to go by blakes tattoo shop & see him too. i missed morgaaan.
we saw kristen in jail tonite which was good to see herrr.
i miss my kriften<3
then i sat at home tonight high & laughed with my old friends. rays here. yesss:)
its been good
now im gonna go watch tv with my dog & cat & fall asleep casue i dont work tomorrroww<3<3<3
lifes lovelyyyy

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